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Like many people, for much of my life I've struggled with a few things that I have, for whatever reason, judged as broken, bad, wrong, or just plain stupid!
I could go back and trace where I picked up those judgments as real and true for me. I could change them... any time I like. No matter how many lies I tell myself that:

  • "I cannot change it"
  • "It's too hard to change"
  • "That's just the way things are"
  • "It's far too late to change them now"
  • "I just have to live with it and make the best of it"
  • "Nobody will like me if I do change things"

What I've found is, all those reasons and justifications are only as real as I choose to make them. What I've also found to be true for me is, they cover up the truth that I've just not been willing to choose something different.

It's really that simple.

You choose it until you don't.

When you're ready and willing to choose something different, all those reasons and justifications for keeping things the way they are fall away. There is no "right" or "wrong" time to choose something different.  You choose it when you choose it.

The thing is, in this reality and world we're taught to judge ourselves as harshly as we can until we do choose what the world tells you should choose to make your life and the world a better place.  Question: Has judging you ever created the change you desired to create? For me, the answer to that is a big fat NO!  The more I judge myself, the more harshly I judge myself, I find the more I lock into place the things I've been telling myself I should change. Well what if I don't have to change anything. Ever.

Say whaaaaaaat?!

Yup. You don't have to change ANYTHING about you. EVER. It's just a choice.

What I've found to be true for me is that the only times I choose change, is when I'm truly inspired and lit up by what I'm aware of that the choice to change will create. 
For example: I don't need to change my body shape... What I can do is be in total allowance with it no matter what it looks like.  For me, it creates  much more ease and joy in my life when I'm not judging my body in any way at all, and just receive it. When I don't judge myself and my business, or "should" on myself about what I've been told I "should" be doing to have a successful business, I get to have greater awareness of what my business actually requires. I get to choose what would be most fun for me that will create the most.

Do you get that every time you judge yourself you contract you and how visible you are in the world? Do you get that every time you judge yourself you limit what you can receive AND you limit the gift you can be in the world.

This is not about a "cost/benefit comparison". It's about looking at what your choice to judge you incessantly is creating. And is it fun for you? Is it ease for you? Does it expand your life? Do you value making yourself small, insignificant, powerless, and impotent more than you value being your greatness, and infinite potency to create the life you desire with ease, joy, and glory?

And you know what...?


It's OK if you're not willing to choose the latter right now.  You don't have to choose to make your life look like it's come from the same cookie cutter as other people. You're not broken, bad, or wrong, because your life looks different.  You don't have to spend countless hours judging you and cutting bits off to try and make yourself look like you were cut from the same cookie cutter as those around you. But you can if you like. It's not wrong.

Just for today, just because you can, I invite you to get really aware about where you are judging the crap out of yourself and
get curious about what else would be possible for you if you didn't. You don't have to change anything. Just get kindly curious about it. 

For me, I've made the demand to stop judging myself for anything. I've made the demand of me to stop making judgment real, relevant, and significant. For me... now IS the time. I KNOW that I am a greater gift and contribution to the world when I stop judging
me and when I let go of making judgment real and relevant.  Are you willing to make that demand of you... no matter what it takes?

 
 
At this time of year, Christmas and New Year I mean, it can be very easy to get caught up in the hype, trauma, drama, and stories of people around us. The stress of buying presents, not buying presents, buying the food, cooking the meal, family relationships, over-eating, stressing about how you're going to pay for it all, and so on...

Question - How much of all that stuff is even yours?

I found myself stressing the hell out of myself this morning about money. I wouldn't mind, but I have more than enough money for this month and beyond! And yet... there I was panicking about how I was going to pay the council tax tomorrow.

Bring on the first of my favourite tools from Access Consciousness™ - who does that belong to!  This tool has been, and continues to be, such a gift to me. The moment I asked the question, I immediately felt relief. Awareness - OH! None of that was mine. Cool.  Now what else do I get to choose?

The thing is, when I first heard about that tool - I tried it. Sometimes it seemed to work, others it didn't. I realised that I was still hanging onto the point of view that if I was feeling it, it must be mine, and therefore must be true. Interesting point of view huh?

And that, my beautiful friends, is the second of my favourite tools from Access Consciousness ™ - Interesting point of view, I have that point of view. Everything is just a point of view. Our reality is created by our point of view. If we perceive everything as just an interesting point of view, without making it meaningful and significant, we get to choose whether to hang onto that point of view or not.  

So when I noticed I had the point of view that "if I'm feeling it, it must be mine" I just repeated "Interesting point of view... I have that point of view". No pressure to change it. No judgment of having it. Just acknowledging that it's an interesting point of view, and that I currently have that point of view.

The third of my favourites tools to share - Acknowledging.... I have found that when I don't acknowledge something I end up buggering myself over with it - and not in a good way! This, I've found, is especially true with awareness. If I don't acknowledge that I am immensely aware of what's going on around me AND in the whole world, I end up trying to function from other people's realities and points of view. And that beautiful people, will really screw you over!

So I invite you to play with these tools over the festive period - whether or not you celebrate "Christmas" and "New Year", you will still most definitely be aware of people who do and the insanity they function from. I wonder - is it really that much fun for you to keep functioning from other people's insane and fucked up realities and points of view?  

If you'd like to know more about these tools, you may like to visit www.accessconsciousness.com

What if this year you could have more ease than ever before? What if this year you played with these tools and Be'd the space of allowance to create and experience something even more delicious and fun-filled?

I'm off to grab a mince pie and glass of sherry... I wonder what else I can choose today that's fun for me? And what about you? What will YOU choose?
 
 
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Do you ever have those lucid moments when you become aware of an insane point of view that you've been functioning from and creating your life with?!

I had one of those this morning as I was taking a shower. I have many amazingly aware moments when I'm having a shower.... who'd have known that having a shower could create so much awesomeness! Something I wished I'd known as a child, as then perhaps I wouldn't have argued so much about having to take part in "bath night!".

But I digress.... this morning, apropos of nothing, something came smashing into my awareness as I was contemplating paying some bills.  I had this thought "I love paying bills".  Hmmm. Really?  What do I love about paying bills?  Apparently, when I'm paying bills it means I have money. It proves to me that I can create money.

And if I don't have any bills to pay?

It seems the answer to that is... I don't have the money!

Say whaaaaat?! WTF?!!!!!!!!!

So I'm saying if I don't have bills to pay, then I don't have money?

Yup

Anything else?

If I don't have bill's to pay, then I'm not creating enough, because having bills is what motivates me to create money. And if I don't have any bills, then I have nothing to motivate me to have money.

The irony is... I seem to have been creating so many bills that no sooner does the money flow in, than it flows right back out! And then I have to create more bills in order to prove to myself that I am potent enough to create the money.

Now I'm not sure about you, but that all seems just a tincy wincy bit INSANE!

What's even more fabulous and awesome about this is I am now aware of the insanity I've been functioning from.  And now I have different choices and possibilities available to me. I could pick over the whole thing and try and find out when I bought that as real and true, and from whom... or I could just acknowledge how freaking insane it is, and how much it is NOT contributing to me, my life, my body, my reality, and the world, and instead choose something different.

So what else is possible here that I've never considered? What reality with having money can I now create, generate, and actualise that's about having fun, and playing with money without needing to create bills and invoices to prove anything to me or anyone?

I wonder too how much I created those bills not just to motivate me to create money... but also to ensure I never have too much or more than enough. After all, to have too much money and more than enough is bad, wrong, selfish, and evil. Interesting point of view. I know quite a few people who literally have millions... and they are the kindest, most unselfish, caring people I've ever had the pleasure to meet.

So maybe all that stuff about money being bad, wrong, and evil, is a load of bollocks? At the every most it's just a point of view. Does that point of view work for me?

Not any more.

I wonder how much more fun and play I can have with money now that I get that I don't have to get rid of it!

 
 
I've been playing recently with receiving. Cognitively I get that being willing to receive everything is an amazing contribution to relating my life.

And yet…

There are clearly still things I’m unwilling to receive, otherwise I’d have in my life many more of the things I would like to have.

So what is that? What is this unwillingness to receive some things, and only receive others. I could go into lots and lots of justifications and explanations of “why”. I call bullshit on that. What’s underlying that. I wonder what is the thing that I’m most unwilling to receive that if I would be willing to receive it would open up my receiving of everything to an even greater degree with even more ease?


You know, it’s judgment. I’m unwilling to receive judgment. Whether it’s judgment you would define as “positive” or “negative” or “good” or “bad”. I’ve realised I’m unwilling to receive judgment. So what’s that about? I wonder…

Judgment is bad, wrong, evil, contracting, unhelpful, limiting, unrequired, undesired, and, and, and….

Or is it?

What if judgment is just information?

Another thing that more recently I get more deeply, is that judgment isn’t real. As long as I make it real, I live at the effect of it. No matter whether it’s “positive” or “negative” judgment. When I'm functioning from the space of making judgment real, I’m always having to decide whether or not I should receive the judgment or not. The energy and time I have to put into evaluating each and every judgment as it arrives… That’s exhausting! And it’s totally distracting! AND it’s no fun at all!

I wonder… What’s it going to take for me to perceive, know, be, and receive all judgment as just information? As I write that line my whole world just opened up.

It’s just a choice.

Yes, yes, I know that can be one of the most searingly frustrating responses. I wonder how frustrated we allow ourselves to get before we are willing to choose something different?

So making that choice… Will it change overnight? Maybe… But probably not. So what if you would be in allowance of you and ALL your choices - past, present, and future. What if you could just keep choosing and be present with all your choices it becomes easier. A question you can ask when you’re choosing something “is this expanding or contracting my life?”.  When you’re functioning from receiving judgment as just information is that contracting or expanding your life? What’s true for you?

Making choices and being present with your choices is like a muscle. You have to exercise it for it to grow. The more you choose it, the easier and more natural it becomes. Are you willing to make the demand of you to commit to you, have your own back, and let go of judging you?

Is now the time? The time is now… Now is the time...
 
 
It is often said “ask and it is given” and, in my experience this is always the case.


Everything I ask for always shows up for me.


I never used to believe that. I used to function from the space where I believed it didn’t really work for me. “I keep asking but it never shows up”. “I tried that it never really worked for me so I gave up”. “I think I don’t deserve to receive what I’ve asked for”. “I think it only works for some people and not others”. “Clearly I’m not a high enough vibration for it to work with me”.


Ouch! I’m not sure about you, but that lots feels so heavy to me! Oh. Heavy?! That means it can’t be true for me!  OK… So what’s right about this I’m not getting? This question changed so much for me.  So what is the truth for me?


Sometimes things take a little more time to show up than I originally expected. Expectations are often the silent killer of having things show up for you with ease. Let go of your expectations and it becomes a whole heap easier.


Another reason things sometimes take longer to show up is that we’re not always truly willing to receive them where we are right now.  I spent years asking for more clients to show up for me and to receive more money. I realise now just how unwilling I was to actually receive what I was asking for! All that money, all those clients - it was just too much for me at the time. I didn’t really feel like I deserved it or that I’d worked hard enough for it, and all sorts of other reasons and justifications for why I couldn’t really receive it.  


More often than not, (if ever!)  things don’t show up for you the way you expected them to. How many things have shown up for me totally differently to how I expected that I actually ended up ignoring them or pushing them away? It’s like, you ask the Universe for more money, typically for an amount you “need”, and it rarely shows up as one instalment. So you ask for £500 and it may show up in chunks of, say, £50. So instead of one amount of £500 you receive 10 of £50. But because the first couple of amounts aren’t what you decided you “need” you immediately close off your receiving of the rest of the money showing up for you!


This blog hasn’t really shown up the way I thought it would. I’ve ended up covering a whole heap more information than I anticipated and haven’t yet included the bit that inspired it! Funny huh?


So the bit that inspired me to write this blog about everything showing up for me that I’ve asked for was about all the people I’m meeting and creating things with in my life. About 4 years ago I started following and using the tools of Access Consciousness. At that time there were some people in Access who I admired and who utterly inspired and empower me to create change in my life. Gary Douglas, Dain Heer, Glenyce Hughes, Tamara Younker, and Liam Phillips, Lisa Murray.  I’ve met Gary and Dain - got to talk about sex and kindness with Gary Douglas in a class and even had a yummy hug from Dain - how did I get so lucky?!   I’ve met and created things with Glenyce Hughes (hosting her in October for another awesome class!), I co-host a radio show with Tamara Younker (Playground of Possibilities), hosted Liam Phillips for a class and am hosting him again at the end of April. And you know, the thing about these three specifically is… I actually consider them to be my friends. Not just people I’ve created with and worked with, and hosted. I know they totally have my back. I have a lot of fun with Lisa Murray and am really looking forward to actually meeting her in a few weeks and hosting her for a fabulous class in London.   


I never dreamed all those years ago that I’d even meet these people, let alone get to the point where I consider them friends. Did they show up 5 minutes after asking “what would it take to meet this person?” No. It took at least 2 years for Glenyce to show up in my life, another year for Tamara, and another year for Liam and Lisa. Did I get disappointed at any point? Nope. I just asked the question and kept asking questions. What else can I create and be today that will invite these people into my life to play with? And I just kept creating.  Ask. Create. Receive. Kind of one after the other… AND all three at the same time! Keep asking. Keep Creating. Keep receiving. As you allow things to show up for you to receive, keep asking and keep creating.


The more fun you have creating and asking, the more fun it can be receiving. And if you notice yourself judging yourself for things apparently not showing up for you, let go of your expectations and judgments. What else is possible that you’ve never considered? Also ask if it is showing up different to how you expected it to. Ask if you’re actually willing to receive it and if you’re not, cool bananas. Just let go of everything that doesn’t allow you to receive it. AND expand your allowance of you for what you are willing to receive.


We love to make ourselves wrong. And we can get caught up in the blame game too. So let go of your attachment to blame - whether that’s blaming you, the universe, or anyone or anything else. And stay in the question. What else is possible here that I’ve never considered? What else can I create that’s fun, phenomenal, and rewarding ? Who else can I create with that will be fun for us both? What else can I choose that will expand my life? What else can I receive today that I’ve never been willing to receive before? Who or what can I be and do different today that will expand my life in fun, awesome, and yummy ways right away as if by magic?


So beautifuls….. Keep on asking. Keep on Creating. Keep on Receiving. And above all… Keep on making choices that are fun for you.


 
 
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I don't know how familiar you are with the term "edging" so I'll start by giving you a brief explanation...

Edging is where you sexually stimulate someone (you or someone else) to the brink of orgasm. It can take a lot of self control, focus, and attention to keep someone just on the edge, but never going over. It can feel enormously enjoyable, and at the same time incredibly frustrating! Aching to explode, but never quite allowing yourself (or someone else) to reach and experience the climax. Often, when you do get to orgasm, you're so exhausted from the whole edging experience that, although it can feel wonderful, you don't feel like doing anything else until you recover sufficiently.  Often the orgasm, when it comes, can be more intense than if you don't edge before it. For men, the force of the ejaculation can be stronger, and more, shall we say, "plentiful".


So why am I talking about? Basically I was wondering about this as edging is something I do particularly enjoy. Both doing to myself and to others. It got me to pondering... where am I doing this in my life? Where am I keeping myself on the brink of delicious, creative, expansive, abundant, yummy, joy-filled screaming orgasm? Where do I keep my creations just on the edge of orgasmic explosion and actualisation? Where am I trying to build up so much creative energy until I've decided I've reached the pinnacle of when would be the best time to "let it go" to the point that I never actually allow it to actualise?  Do you get what I'm saying?

It's like we get caught up in the frustration/pleasure of the build up to creating, and almost become so addicted to it, that we never allow it to come to fruition (no pun intended!). Or we keep pushing it to see how long we can last before we allow ourselves to experience that joyful explosion, whether it is a kindness to us, our lives, or the world to keep everyone hanging on. There is also the point of view that, once the explosion has actually taken place, it will all be over really quickly and then you'll have to spend ages recovering, and then have to rebuild up  to get to the point where you can experience it again. 

So what else is possible here? What if it's possible to have fun edging sometimes without becoming so addicted to it, or fearful of the climax that you can create your life with more ease? And what if it's totally possible to experience that intensity of joy and pleasure without the life-long build up? And what if you don't have to be totally and utterly exhausted after the creative explosion so that you can immediately go on to the next creation? And what if you can create multiply at the same time - so you edge some creations whilst actualising others? And, if you never have tried edging, maybe it's a creative juicy experience that you'd like to play with and explore? What would be most fun for you and your life creation?

 
 
You may be aware that I host a weekly radio show called "The Playground of Possibilities" that airs on Mondays. Each week we play with a different topic and this week's topic was all about definition. We were playing with how addictive definition can be.  What became clear to me during the show was just how many lies I'd bought about definition and how important I'd decided it was.

One of the things that came up for me were:

Definition helps me know what how to act in a particular situation.  Is that true? On the surface it may well appear so. But truly is every situation exactly the same? For example, I facilitate Access Bars Classes. If I define these classes in a particular way does that actually allow me to follow the energy and be whatever is required to contribute the most to the people who've come to learn Bars from from me? If I define things so much so I know how to act, don't I just end up like a robot without being present with what is actually going on?

I wonder how much we try to use definition to keep us from being present with what really is going on around us?


Following the show, I spent some time getting curious about what my life would be like if I would choose to let go of all definitions. No definitions of me, other people, other things. No definitions of anything. Here's what I came up with:

  • When I am out of definition I feel calm
  • When I am out of definition I feel free to choose whatever I’d like
  • When I am out of definition I feel so much space
  • When I am out of definition I know that anything and everything is possible
  • When I am out of definition I am limitless
  • When I am out of definition money is ease for me
  • When I am out of definition I don’t judge anyone or anything, including me
  • When I am out of definition I appear weird to some people
  • When I am out of definition I get a greater awareness of what would create the most for me
  • When I am out of definition I have greater awareness of what would be fun for me
  • When I am out of definition I have access to all of me
  • When I am out of definition I’m not trying to be anything, I am everything
  • When I am out of definition all of life comes to me with ease, joy, and glory
  • When i am out of definition I don’t resist and react to anyone or anything
  • When I am out of definition I can receive from everyone and everything
  • When I am out of definition I can be the gift I truly Be
  • When I am out of definition I don’t get caught up in overthinking things
  • When I am out of definition I trust my awareness and my knowing implicitly
  • When I am out of definition I feel more happy and have more fun

In just those
few minutes of asking  "What would my life be like if I were out of definition and function beyond definition?", that was list is what I came up with.

Well buggery bollocks! Who'd have known so much freedom could exist just from choosing not to define anything or anyone?!  I wonder, what would YOUR life be like if you would let go of all the definitions, and the justifications for having those definitions? Does that feel more spacious and expansive or less spacious and expansive?

So today I'm asking the universe to show me everywhere I'm functioning from definition, and to show me what else is possible if I let go of those definitions.

 
 
I don't know about you, but I often get my greatest awarenesses of things whilst I'm in the shower... and today was no exception.


I was thinking about some things in my life that appear not to have changed and that felt completely heavy and wonky for me. Hmmm... interesting! Being me, I asked a couple of questions:

- what is this?
- what do I know about this?

And then, boom.... there it is! A big fucking lie!

One of the many, many, many things I've come to be aware of since playing with the tools of Access Consciousness ® is that when something is not true for me it feels heavy, wonky, and contracted.

OK - so... it hasn't changed is a lie... interesting. And if it's not true, what is true?

Giving it a second... that, at the time, felt like a millennium.... boom - OH! if it's not true that it hasn't changed, then the truth is it HAS changed!  Bang!

Oh!

Oh my goodness!

Well buggery fuck!

And if it has changed, putting my attention and point of view on "it hasn't changed" just keep re-creating the very thing that I desired to change in the first place.

Oh!

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh!

OH! MY! GOD!

How many things have I decided haven't changed because there were no bells, whistles, and rockets and blatantness happening when they did!?! And how many of those have I (and do I!!!) keep re-creating because I've not acknowledged they have changed, so I recreate them just to prove myself right that they haven't changed, that ultimately keeps me re-creating my life exactly as it is!

Now... I could choose to go into loads and loads of judgment of me for my lack of awareness, my previous unwillingness to ask a question, my tenacity to keep re-creating that which isn't fun for me.... Like I haven't chosen that a few billion times in the past!

Or.....

I could choose something else. 

Time to knock that shit on the head. I'm choosing different!

Boom!

My world expands again.

So from this space of acknowledging
that something has changed, more possibilities become available to me.

So what else has changed in my life, as a direct result of me asking for something different, that I have
not acknowledged, that if I would acknowledge it will create even more space, expansion, ease, joy, and yumminess in EVERY area of life my life as if by magic?

Oh, oh, oh... and what else can i acknowledge about my life today that I've not acknowledged before that if I would acknowledge it will give me more of me with total ease and deliciousness?

I wonder what possibilities and yumminess could show up for you if you would acknowledged ALL the change you've created in your life
?
 
 
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What targets and aims do you have for this month? Have you set any? Or do you shy away from them?

I know for many that they really resist setting "goals" for themselves. Interesting isn't it that the word gaols is so very similar. Gaols = old english for jails.  and what if targets and aims are not goals? Gaols/jails are stationary, static, and immovable. Whereas targets and aims can be adjusted many times.

You see the thing with having aims and targets is that they are signals to the Universe of what you are choosing to create. It communicates to the Universe where you're headed so that it can do all the necessary stuff to contribute to you arriving there.

The thing with targets too is that they are not necessarily linear and neither do they require you to not deviate. A metaphor might assist here:  

When an aeroplane takes off it has a target destination. It doesn't just fly directly, straight to the target. The plane is always adjusting to account for changes in conditions - wind, weather, other aeroplanes! And also, if you fly from, say, London to South Africa, you may flight to one place to pick up a connecting flight to your target destination. Indeed, there are two targets there, one leading to the other. AND you may even decide not to follow on from your first target to your second.

Everything is malleable and changeable.  Each choice takes you nearer or further from your target and respond to whatever is going on around you in that moment and be aware of what is coming up. .  If you choose in 10-second increments, you can stay ahead of "the weather" and always be in awareness of what you can choose that will be most fun and create the most for you.

How much fun can you have setting the energy in motion for what you'd like to create and actualise in and as your life by setting some targets and aims? And what if you don't have to make it all meaningful and significant? What if setting targets and aims could be as delicious and exciting as booking a holiday, or booking a table for dinner, or ordering something delicious in a restaurant, or asking for something you desire in a shop?

Working with a coach or facilitator can really contribute to choosing and setting your aims and targets... Even as I coach and facilitator myself I work with facilitator.  I find it  a really fun way of getting clear on what I desire in my life and what's required to achieve it. And you know what? It's a bloody lot more fun having someone help me with it than struggling with it on my own!

 
 
Well fuck my old boots! Don't you just love those days when you get awarenesses of things that have been locking you up for years that just pop, seemingly out of nowhere and apropos of nothing you're thinking about or contemplating. 

So here I am, making myself a nice cup of earl grey tea, and thinking about my radio show (Playground of Possibilities ) and the episode I'm about to pre-record. And... BOOOM! There it is. Out of nowhere. Wanna know what the boom was?

I have a capacity with kindness that is beyond anything I have ever acknowledged or could have imagined.

Yeah sure I thought I was being kind. I can't tell you the number of times people have been brought to tears by things I've done for them - and I don't mean tears of pain and anger here. I mean tears of gratitude and joy. I kind of stood there not really getting it. Not really willing to acknowledge just how kind I had been. Because, for me, what I did was so natural and so normal. And after all, isn't kindness something that's huge and has bells and whistles and fireworks and where you end up actually in detriment as a result. I completely I get that I've bastardised kindness to mean I have to have been mean to me for it to have been true kindness!

And here's the next rub... I've been truly kind to some people in my life who couldn't receive it. So when it came back to bit me on the ass I thought I'd done kindness wrong, or hadn't been kind and so made myself wrong for it! Cute but not bright eh?!

I realise I have been living most of my life in the fantasy that if I'm kind to people they will receive it AND that they will in turn be kind to me. You can imagine the crap that's created for me! My unwillingness to be aware of what people could receive AND my unwillingness to acknowledge the true and phenomenal kindness I Be has fucked me over more times than a prostitute on a busy work night!

So.... there it is. Awareness. What did I get from all this? Another nudge to a) acknowledge just how freaking awesome I am, and b) to ask a bloody question about what people can receive!

And breathing