At this time of year, Christmas and New Year I mean, it can be very easy to get caught up in the hype, trauma, drama, and stories of people around us. The stress of buying presents, not buying presents, buying the food, cooking the meal, family relationships, over-eating, stressing about how you're going to pay for it all, and so on...

Question - How much of all that stuff is even yours?

I found myself stressing the hell out of myself this morning about money. I wouldn't mind, but I have more than enough money for this month and beyond! And yet... there I was panicking about how I was going to pay the council tax tomorrow.

Bring on the first of my favourite tools from Access Consciousness™ - who does that belong to!  This tool has been, and continues to be, such a gift to me. The moment I asked the question, I immediately felt relief. Awareness - OH! None of that was mine. Cool.  Now what else do I get to choose?

The thing is, when I first heard about that tool - I tried it. Sometimes it seemed to work, others it didn't. I realised that I was still hanging onto the point of view that if I was feeling it, it must be mine, and therefore must be true. Interesting point of view huh?

And that, my beautiful friends, is the second of my favourite tools from Access Consciousness ™ - Interesting point of view, I have that point of view. Everything is just a point of view. Our reality is created by our point of view. If we perceive everything as just an interesting point of view, without making it meaningful and significant, we get to choose whether to hang onto that point of view or not.  

So when I noticed I had the point of view that "if I'm feeling it, it must be mine" I just repeated "Interesting point of view... I have that point of view". No pressure to change it. No judgment of having it. Just acknowledging that it's an interesting point of view, and that I currently have that point of view.

The third of my favourites tools to share - Acknowledging.... I have found that when I don't acknowledge something I end up buggering myself over with it - and not in a good way! This, I've found, is especially true with awareness. If I don't acknowledge that I am immensely aware of what's going on around me AND in the whole world, I end up trying to function from other people's realities and points of view. And that beautiful people, will really screw you over!

So I invite you to play with these tools over the festive period - whether or not you celebrate "Christmas" and "New Year", you will still most definitely be aware of people who do and the insanity they function from. I wonder - is it really that much fun for you to keep functioning from other people's insane and fucked up realities and points of view?  

If you'd like to know more about these tools, you may like to visit

What if this year you could have more ease than ever before? What if this year you played with these tools and Be'd the space of allowance to create and experience something even more delicious and fun-filled?

I'm off to grab a mince pie and glass of sherry... I wonder what else I can choose today that's fun for me? And what about you? What will YOU choose?
I don't know how familiar you are with the term "edging" so I'll start by giving you a brief explanation...

Edging is where you sexually stimulate someone (you or someone else) to the brink of orgasm. It can take a lot of self control, focus, and attention to keep someone just on the edge, but never going over. It can feel enormously enjoyable, and at the same time incredibly frustrating! Aching to explode, but never quite allowing yourself (or someone else) to reach and experience the climax. Often, when you do get to orgasm, you're so exhausted from the whole edging experience that, although it can feel wonderful, you don't feel like doing anything else until you recover sufficiently.  Often the orgasm, when it comes, can be more intense than if you don't edge before it. For men, the force of the ejaculation can be stronger, and more, shall we say, "plentiful".

So why am I talking about? Basically I was wondering about this as edging is something I do particularly enjoy. Both doing to myself and to others. It got me to pondering... where am I doing this in my life? Where am I keeping myself on the brink of delicious, creative, expansive, abundant, yummy, joy-filled screaming orgasm? Where do I keep my creations just on the edge of orgasmic explosion and actualisation? Where am I trying to build up so much creative energy until I've decided I've reached the pinnacle of when would be the best time to "let it go" to the point that I never actually allow it to actualise?  Do you get what I'm saying?

It's like we get caught up in the frustration/pleasure of the build up to creating, and almost become so addicted to it, that we never allow it to come to fruition (no pun intended!). Or we keep pushing it to see how long we can last before we allow ourselves to experience that joyful explosion, whether it is a kindness to us, our lives, or the world to keep everyone hanging on. There is also the point of view that, once the explosion has actually taken place, it will all be over really quickly and then you'll have to spend ages recovering, and then have to rebuild up  to get to the point where you can experience it again. 

So what else is possible here? What if it's possible to have fun edging sometimes without becoming so addicted to it, or fearful of the climax that you can create your life with more ease? And what if it's totally possible to experience that intensity of joy and pleasure without the life-long build up? And what if you don't have to be totally and utterly exhausted after the creative explosion so that you can immediately go on to the next creation? And what if you can create multiply at the same time - so you edge some creations whilst actualising others? And, if you never have tried edging, maybe it's a creative juicy experience that you'd like to play with and explore? What would be most fun for you and your life creation?

You may be aware that I host a weekly radio show called "The Playground of Possibilities" that airs on Mondays. Each week we play with a different topic and this week's topic was all about definition. We were playing with how addictive definition can be.  What became clear to me during the show was just how many lies I'd bought about definition and how important I'd decided it was.

One of the things that came up for me were:

Definition helps me know what how to act in a particular situation.  Is that true? On the surface it may well appear so. But truly is every situation exactly the same? For example, I facilitate Access Bars Classes. If I define these classes in a particular way does that actually allow me to follow the energy and be whatever is required to contribute the most to the people who've come to learn Bars from from me? If I define things so much so I know how to act, don't I just end up like a robot without being present with what is actually going on?

I wonder how much we try to use definition to keep us from being present with what really is going on around us?

Following the show, I spent some time getting curious about what my life would be like if I would choose to let go of all definitions. No definitions of me, other people, other things. No definitions of anything. Here's what I came up with:

  • When I am out of definition I feel calm
  • When I am out of definition I feel free to choose whatever I’d like
  • When I am out of definition I feel so much space
  • When I am out of definition I know that anything and everything is possible
  • When I am out of definition I am limitless
  • When I am out of definition money is ease for me
  • When I am out of definition I don’t judge anyone or anything, including me
  • When I am out of definition I appear weird to some people
  • When I am out of definition I get a greater awareness of what would create the most for me
  • When I am out of definition I have greater awareness of what would be fun for me
  • When I am out of definition I have access to all of me
  • When I am out of definition I’m not trying to be anything, I am everything
  • When I am out of definition all of life comes to me with ease, joy, and glory
  • When i am out of definition I don’t resist and react to anyone or anything
  • When I am out of definition I can receive from everyone and everything
  • When I am out of definition I can be the gift I truly Be
  • When I am out of definition I don’t get caught up in overthinking things
  • When I am out of definition I trust my awareness and my knowing implicitly
  • When I am out of definition I feel more happy and have more fun

In just those
few minutes of asking  "What would my life be like if I were out of definition and function beyond definition?", that was list is what I came up with.

Well buggery bollocks! Who'd have known so much freedom could exist just from choosing not to define anything or anyone?!  I wonder, what would YOUR life be like if you would let go of all the definitions, and the justifications for having those definitions? Does that feel more spacious and expansive or less spacious and expansive?

So today I'm asking the universe to show me everywhere I'm functioning from definition, and to show me what else is possible if I let go of those definitions.

I don't know about you, but I often get my greatest awarenesses of things whilst I'm in the shower... and today was no exception.

I was thinking about some things in my life that appear not to have changed and that felt completely heavy and wonky for me. Hmmm... interesting! Being me, I asked a couple of questions:

- what is this?
- what do I know about this?

And then, boom.... there it is! A big fucking lie!

One of the many, many, many things I've come to be aware of since playing with the tools of Access Consciousness ® is that when something is not true for me it feels heavy, wonky, and contracted.

OK - so... it hasn't changed is a lie... interesting. And if it's not true, what is true?

Giving it a second... that, at the time, felt like a millennium.... boom - OH! if it's not true that it hasn't changed, then the truth is it HAS changed!  Bang!


Oh my goodness!

Well buggery fuck!

And if it has changed, putting my attention and point of view on "it hasn't changed" just keep re-creating the very thing that I desired to change in the first place.




How many things have I decided haven't changed because there were no bells, whistles, and rockets and blatantness happening when they did!?! And how many of those have I (and do I!!!) keep re-creating because I've not acknowledged they have changed, so I recreate them just to prove myself right that they haven't changed, that ultimately keeps me re-creating my life exactly as it is!

Now... I could choose to go into loads and loads of judgment of me for my lack of awareness, my previous unwillingness to ask a question, my tenacity to keep re-creating that which isn't fun for me.... Like I haven't chosen that a few billion times in the past!


I could choose something else. 

Time to knock that shit on the head. I'm choosing different!


My world expands again.

So from this space of acknowledging
that something has changed, more possibilities become available to me.

So what else has changed in my life, as a direct result of me asking for something different, that I have
not acknowledged, that if I would acknowledge it will create even more space, expansion, ease, joy, and yumminess in EVERY area of life my life as if by magic?

Oh, oh, oh... and what else can i acknowledge about my life today that I've not acknowledged before that if I would acknowledge it will give me more of me with total ease and deliciousness?

I wonder what possibilities and yumminess could show up for you if you would acknowledged ALL the change you've created in your life
What targets and aims do you have for this month? Have you set any? Or do you shy away from them?

I know for many that they really resist setting "goals" for themselves. Interesting isn't it that the word gaols is so very similar. Gaols = old english for jails.  and what if targets and aims are not goals? Gaols/jails are stationary, static, and immovable. Whereas targets and aims can be adjusted many times.

You see the thing with having aims and targets is that they are signals to the Universe of what you are choosing to create. It communicates to the Universe where you're headed so that it can do all the necessary stuff to contribute to you arriving there.

The thing with targets too is that they are not necessarily linear and neither do they require you to not deviate. A metaphor might assist here:  

When an aeroplane takes off it has a target destination. It doesn't just fly directly, straight to the target. The plane is always adjusting to account for changes in conditions - wind, weather, other aeroplanes! And also, if you fly from, say, London to South Africa, you may flight to one place to pick up a connecting flight to your target destination. Indeed, there are two targets there, one leading to the other. AND you may even decide not to follow on from your first target to your second.

Everything is malleable and changeable.  Each choice takes you nearer or further from your target and respond to whatever is going on around you in that moment and be aware of what is coming up. .  If you choose in 10-second increments, you can stay ahead of "the weather" and always be in awareness of what you can choose that will be most fun and create the most for you.

How much fun can you have setting the energy in motion for what you'd like to create and actualise in and as your life by setting some targets and aims? And what if you don't have to make it all meaningful and significant? What if setting targets and aims could be as delicious and exciting as booking a holiday, or booking a table for dinner, or ordering something delicious in a restaurant, or asking for something you desire in a shop?

Working with a coach or facilitator can really contribute to choosing and setting your aims and targets... Even as I coach and facilitator myself I work with facilitator.  I find it  a really fun way of getting clear on what I desire in my life and what's required to achieve it. And you know what? It's a bloody lot more fun having someone help me with it than struggling with it on my own!

When it comes to committing to you and your life and what you would like to create as your life, have you committed to it yet? 

So many awarenesses and places this blog could go! 

I'm going to start with this one: where am I lying to myself!

So for the last 6 months to a year I've been asking the Universe to show me everywhere I'm lying to myself. Seems committing to me and my life is one of them! Damn - and I really thought I'd been doing that for the last 6 months too!

Rather than go into judgment of me, I asked a question - what's stopping me from committing to myself and my life? The awareness I had this morning: I'm waiting for it to be perfectly the way I would like it to be and then I'll commit. Doh! that's cute and not bright!

When you buy (or move into) a new home, you don't expect it to be perfect already right? You move in and change the decor and garden etc according to your taste and preferences after. It's very rare to find a home you can move straight into and it will be perfect from the very second you enter. For starters you still need to put your furniture in the places you'd like it to be. It's an ongoing process of enjoying your home.

 And have you ever noticed that it never stays "perfect"? Things require attention and maintenance. Things require cleaning and replacing. It never stays exactly the same. And what if this constant change IS perfection? Nothing ever really stays the same, much as we sometimes wish it would. That's the route to self-sabotage, stagnation, and self-destruction. Except we're infinite beings and can never be destroyed. Thus we can find ourselves sitting in a box that we created that we absolutely know is not fun. How long will we continue to choose that for? How long will we wait for things to change before we allow ourselves to create and have more fun?

What if committing to our life is part of this constant change and creation? And what if we let go of all the expectations about what our life "should" look like before we allow ourselves to enjoy it? What would that create for the world? What doors of possibilities would that open up? What would happen if we actually stopped judging our life as not perfect and/or "not quite perfect yet"?

Life is not something we create as "perfect' and then settle down to stagnate. Although I know it's possible to get caught up in that way of thinking.

So what happens next? We have this awareness and what do we do with it? What else is possible here beyond anything we've never considered before?

Are you willing to make the demand of you to commit to you and your life no matter what? Universe show me what my life would be like if I would totally commit to my life... What's it going to take to commit totally to my life? What amazing contribution would it be if I would commit totally to my life right away?

Is now the time for you to stop waiting for everything to be perfect and instead to acknowledge that everything is already perfection?

So there I was trying to get my mouse to work this morning and would it go in the direction I required it to go? Would it buggery!

I felt myself going into frustration! "what's wrong with this fucking mouse?" And the question there is?! Errm - that'll be a conclusion with a question mark attached....

Feeling the frustration I realised I was getting into conclusion and contraction. So I asked: OK so what's right about this I'm not getting? Which is a great question and very different to "what's wrong with me?" which is where I would have gone in the past.

Took my hand off the mouse to inspect it (it's a wireless mouse for an iMac) and noticed I had the mouse upside down! bahahaha!! The power of questions overcomes stupidity ;-)

So if things aren't quite going the way you'd like right now, what's right about it you're not getting? What information do you require to change it or create something different? What else is possible that you've never considered? What questions can you ask that will contribute to you and what you've got going on for you right now?

When it comes to you and your business, have you decided what kinds of people you will and will not work with?

Now it may well seem sensible and a good idea to be picky about who you will work with.

For instance, you may choose never to work with convicted criminals, or people who earn below a certain amount of money, or people who come from a particular background, or black people, or americans, or gay people, or disabled people, or men, or women, or people below or above a certain age.

What criteria are you using? And how is that contributing to your business? Is it working well for you? 

Now this blog is not about the rights and wrongs of discrimination. It's about getting you to be aware of the criteria you are using that could well be limiting just how successful your business AND life is.  

What? Whoa now. Wait a minute! Did I just say "life"? 

You betcha sweet ass I did!

People use criteria to choose who they will and will not gift and receive contribution to and from in all areas of their life - whether they are aware of it or not. What if you had no criteria at all? What if you had no judgment? What if you were willing to gift and receive to and from everyone and everything? Bearing in mind - being willing does not mean you have to choose it. 

You see here's the thing..... if you have a set of criteria that keeps "convicted criminals" from your life and business, what about someone who's convicted for shoplifting because he/she was trying to feed his/her family? What about someone who took drugs in their youth and was convicted for it but never done it since? what about someone who's been to court for being bankrupt? What about someone who was convicted wrongly for a crime and was later found not guilty?

Do you see? If you carte blanche say no to people with convictions - who are you cutting out of your life and business who could be a phenomenal contribution to you?

This is where it gets even more whacky... how many lifetimes have you been and done all the things you have decided in this life you will not have in your life? How many lifetimes have you been rich, poor, murdered, raped, been a woman, or a man, been a catholic, been a muslim, been american, been a lesbian, been black and so on.... What if there is nothing you have not been or done in some form in other lives you've had? And what if that's the same for EVERYONE? So if everyone has done all the things in one lifetime or another that you've now decided you will not receive in this life, how many people can come to you to gift and receive contribution to and from you?

Now you may well have a preference for working with a particular group of people - and that's totally cool. Great stuff! What if that doesn't preclude you working with others if that would create something awesome and phenomenal for everyone involved?

Are you willing to ask the question: what criteria am I using to limit from whom and how much I can gift and receive?

You see it's not until you're aware of what criteria you're using that you can start to be aware of whether that is actually contributing to or limiting your life.

What else would be possible for you, your life, and your business if you didn't use selection criteria to be the ultimate decider about whether you will or will not gift to or receive from someone or something?  What else would be possible for you if you were willing to gift to and receive from everyone and everything?

So let me leave you with the question again.... what criteria am I using to limit from whom and how much I can gift and receive ?

You remember how it feels when you start a new job that you really wanted? Excited to be starting something new. Proud of yourself for having got through the interview and selection process. Slightly in doubt about whether you can really do the job at all. Slightly worried about what your new colleagues will be like. Hopeful that your boss doesn't turn out to be a complete arse. Feeling great that you'll be earning more money. Looking forward to learning new skills and honing the ones you have. 

Well..... that's how I'm kind of feeling today! It's a similar feeling I had when I left the corporate world of Banking and Human Resources to start my own business. Ironically I still have my own business. 

I was wondering to myself this morning about why I'm feeling this way. I haven't started a new job. Or have I? So I started asking some questions (thank goodness for Access Consciousness and the gift of Gary Douglas and Dain Heer!).

  • What is this?
  • What can I do with it?
  • What's right about this I'm not getting?
  • What else is possible?
  • What contribution is this to my life?
  • What am I choosing?
  • What am I creating?
  • If I continue choosing and creating this, what will my life be like in 5 years?
  • If I don't continue choosing and creating this, what will my life be like in 5 years?

I got the awareness that I'm choosing and creating something greater. I also remembered that I had been asking lots of questions last year about creating something greater and changing my life from creating the same old crap, year after year. I had almost begun despairing that things didn't appear to be changing.... except.... they were. It's just that a) it wasn't completely obvious how they were changing and b) the change isn't showing up at all how I excepted it to! Does it ever?!

I wonder how often we give up on something we're choosing to create or change because it doesn't appear to change quickly enough or show up the way we expected it? Ever done that? Then we have the tendency to slip into the belief that "it just wasn't meant to happen". Or even worse, we judge ourselves as a failure, being stupid and a failure at everything we do. Ever been there? And how heavy does that feel? It's a big lie that's why it feels heavy!

You know what I've realised over my life is that it's that moment when we're just about to give up that we need to keep going. Digging for miles to give up with just a few inches left until breakthrough... 

And that's why I love the Access Consciousness tools, questions, and processes. They help me have such ease with creating my life. One of the greatest things I've got from Access Consciousness (and there are many many things I have got and continue to get from it) is always being in the question.

What is this? What can I do with it? Can I change it? If so how do I change it? What else is possible? How can it get any better than this?

These are just some of the questions that I use every day. They create more available possibilities for me. And you know what? The more I choose to create more, question more, and Be more, the greater the contribution I am to the world. 

So yes, I've got a new role. Being me in totality! I wonder if you would like to Be you in totality too? I wonder what a gift and contribution that would be for you and the world if you were to choose it? Like to know how to do that? Ask some questions... and if you need help with that, either contact me for a session or popover to the Access Consciousness website where you can find all sorts of information and free videos to help you begin changing your life with ease.

Let me leave you with these questions:

If you would choose to be you in totality, who would you Be and how would your life be different?
If you would choose to be you in totality, what contribution could that be to you, your life, your living, and your reality?
If you would choose to be you in totality, how much more fun could you have in your life?


Backing up


Backing up.... a great idea for our computers and files. I've been there myself where I haven't backed up data and it's caused me hours of recreation of things! So... backing up is a great idea and essential, yes? For everything? I wonder....

I received a spammy email in my inbox this morning entitled "back up your life". The moment I read those words a whole heap of awareness flashed through my mind causing me to say quite loudly "Oh buggery fuck!". Why did that cause consternation you may wonder?  

Well in that nanosecond of reading that email title I had the awareness that I've had this energetic programme running on default that backs up everything I experience. That way, my Being would never forget or miss a single experience, thus ensuring
  •  that I have access to everything that's every happened to me
  • that I remember every wonderful experience and so can appreciate them more
  • that I remember every "mistake" I've ever made thus ensuring I never make the same one again
  • that I remember who I am so that I can "know my place and purpose in life"
  • I can continue to grow and not do the same things more than once thinking that I'm doing them for the first time
  • that I have something to reflect back over to guide me in how to create my life going forward

There's so much limitation in that for me! I also realised I have another energetic programme running that each day restores any older information that got deleted or changed the day before. Sounds sensible... except... what if that data is no longer relevant or is found to be inaccurate? And what if it was never relevant or accurate at all?!

Do we really want to keep trying to create our lives by reflecting upon the past? What if we can create our lives in the moment by being aware of what possibilities exist for us right now? What if each choice we make creates and opens up different possibilities? 

I realised how much importance, relevance, significance, and meaning we place upon past events to guide us in creating our present and future. No wonder change can sometimes take so fucking long if all we're doing is rehashing old backups from the past!

And look at the words themselves "back up". Back up. BACK UP. In other words... go backwards! Nooooo! Now of course you might want to back up your car if it's about to drop into a ditch! But in the case of "backing up your life" do you really want to keep backing up to a previous place of less awareness and choice?

Would you be willing to delete and destroy ALL backups you've taken for this life and ALL your lives wherever they have been? And would you be willing to delete and destroy ALL backups of backups and ALL other "failsafes" you've put in place for this life and ALL your lives wherever they have been?

What would your life be like if you would be willing to function and create your life from pure energy, space, and consciousness ? Are you willing to create and choose your life from limitless possibilities?